This year started with reflection of everything that I faced last year. If anyone has read any of my other blog post, I had a rough 2018. Now, I am ready to say that I am having a better 2019. Before last year ended, I started therapy which has really helped to shape my thinking patterns. I am not always positive and I don't always feel the best about everything but I try to continue my strength in moving forward through change. It is not always that you will have the understanding of those around you, so in those moments, you must look for the answers in yourself. Currently, I am working on rebuilding my credit and also my credibility in some way as well. I have lost a lot of people around me because of my inability to say that I needed to talk or I am not able to handle or cope with what I have faced. I have selfishly lived in my bubble because I was too embarrassed about sharing my struggle.
One thing that I have always done in my life is to live through my circumstance. It would not matter if the world was falling down around me, you would still meet me with a smile. These days its been a lot harder to do that. Often, I isolate myself in ways not to deal with reality. I am not doing another sad post but a post that addresses what I have feared. I have not always embraced by mistakes in life and most mistakes have stemmed through my ugly hurt of my past. I actually continued to live based on past relationships, past jobs, past money or past possessions. Today, all I have is myself, a dream and a plan. I currently invest each day to educating myself on new business skills such as social media, SEO skills, branding approaches, spreadsheet preparation, accounting, self-talk, etc. I recently ended my contract due to the closing date but that doesn't mean I don't have a job.
My job is the dedication that I give and the investment that I make in bettering my knowledge and my connections. I am constantly juggling running a business with no investment. What that means is my profit is being invested in my customer support. This is gratifying to me. I told myself that I would start something that is reflection of me and my vision. That is what I am doing. My fourth goal outside of self, business and credit is owning my own space.
My space means everything to me. As a human, we need space to grow, to create and to dominate in our purpose. It has taken me 29 years to understand what investment in self means. To invest in yourself is to set the tone of your self-worth. As I have been applying for various positions in Project Management, Social Media engagement, Educational services, etc; I find it hard to provide a salary that best suits me. We all want to make the money that pays our bills but what about the amount that gives us self gratification. I explored my Masters program to explore Organizational Development and research for my thesis pages explored comparison of human expansion through monitoring productivity and management styles. I developed the best skills for owning and developing something of my own. I say all of the above to introduce the idea that successful nature is not identified my ownership but by knowledge. If continuing on the path of educating and teaching the skills that I have learned then the real ROOM to CREATE will happen. We as humans also identify our success based on what we can see, I have, but rarely based on what we are working on each and every day.
Note to Self: Keep Going!
Kamilah L Reddock